Showing posts with label Puns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Puns. Show all posts

Thursday, December 13, 2012

My Dad is the Best: Comic Book Speculator Edition


Dad
To: Chris
Chris:
Thought you might find this interesting.
Love,
Dad

From USA Today, 11/16:

Action Comics No. 1 (Superman's debut, 1938): $2.1MM

Action Comics No. 1 (Different copy of Action Comics No. 1 - Superman's debut, 1938): $1.5MM

Amazing Fantasy No. 15 (Spiderman's debut, 1962): $1.1MM

Detective Comics No. 27 (Batman's debut, 1937): $1.1MM
--------------------------
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Chris
To: Dad
Thanks dad! Isn't it great how many investments I've been making over the last decade in the potentially lucrative paper-bound asset market? It's a long time horizon for the payoff, but an insane ROI.


Dad
To: Chris
Make sure you keep them in good condition!

Do you have any recent. debut issues of characters that will be as big as Superman, Batman or Spiderman in 50 years. They seem to be the most valuable.
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Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Chris
To: Dad
hahah, I'm sure that I don't.

Dad
To: Chris
You never know. Maybe there is some secondary character that recently appeared that will emerge as the next great character. Has there been a Facebook Man, Twitter Man, Digital Woman, or "The Geek" in any recent comic books you have?
--------------------------

Chris
To: Dad
hahhahhaa!! How about THE SOCIAL MEDIATOR!!


Dad
To: Chris
Great play on Media and Mediator!

He/she intervenes in highly dramatic virtual events. Like internet attacks on the electric grid, or corruptions of eHarmony.com that match up mismatched people, etc., or interventions that convert war games into peaceful virtual gardens. The options are endless!!
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Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Artists Formerly Known as NFL

NFL SuperProdigy


Celine Deion Sanders

Aaron Rodgers and Hammerstein

Killa Cam Newton

Emmit The Smiths

Arian Foster the People

Jason Peters, Paul and Mary

Tony Ramones

Willis McgaHEEMS

KOOL ADrian Peterson

Calvin Mumford and Johnsons

Carly Ray Lewis Jepsen

AnamanaNdamukonguchi Suh

Kendrick Lamarr Woodley

Peyton Portugal, The Manning

Eli Gucci Manning

Archie Red Manning

D'Antwoord Jackson

Ryan KaLil Wayne

Roger G'Adele

RGM83

Dan MariNotwist

Mike DitKaskade

Charles FleetWoodson Mac

Kansas City Chief Keefs


New York They Might Be Giants

Jacksonville JaGWARs


I thought I was doing alright at this, but then Ashley put me to shame. She knows football way better than I do. Here are hers:


RG Three Six Mafia

Joe French Montana or Joe Hannah Montana

O.J. Jessica Simpson

Tim TeBow Wow or Tim TeBowling for Soup

Joe Flacco Seagulls or Joe Waka Flacco

Randall Cobbra Starship

Sugar Ray Lewis

Jars of Clay Matthew

Jerry Damien Rice

Randy Moss Def

Marshall Newhouse of Pain

Fat Tony Romo

A.J. Green Day

Miles Gene Austin or Miles Davis Austin

Bart Cobra Starship or Bart Black Star

Arian Foster the People

Cam'ron Newton

Russell Wilson Phillips or Leon Russell Wilson

Steely Dan Marino

Donald Driver-By-Truckers

Greg Waylon Jennings

Reggie Barry White or Reggie White Stripes or Reggie White Rabbits or Reggie Plain White T's

JJ Muddy Watters

Desmond BisHopsin

Casey Veggies Hayward

Matt HasselBeck

Troy AikMannheim Steamroller

Ben RoethlesberGershwin

Buffalo Springfield Bills

Whitney Houston Texans 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

2012 Summer Olympics TV Shows

I'm good at photoshop


Mad About Usain Bolt

Party of 500 Meter Dash

It's Always Runny in Philadelphia

Everybody 40-Love Raymond

Say Yes to the Dressage

Breaking Badminton

Mountain BiKing of the Hill

Gilmore Girls Gymnastics

Sein-track and Feld

Malcolm in the Middleweight Boxing

The Odd Double Sculls

CSI: Canoeing Slalom International

Battlestar Galacticanoeing

TaekwonDon't Lie to Me

Missy Franklin & Bash

Ryan SherLochte

The Opening Ceremonies were S#*! My Dad Says

Saturday, August 20, 2011

The Hunger Games (If I Wrote it)


Earlier today my friend posted this on Twitter: "Just because the intended audience is YA is no excuse for crappy, lazy writing. Shameful, Suzanne Collins!! #hungergames #pretentiousreader"

I have never read a word of the Hunger Games, but I am aware of the books. My aunt, who is a teacher, was raving about them last time I saw her. Anyway, after reading my friends Tweet this scene popped into my head fully formed. It has no bearing on the premise of the books.

If I wrote hunger games (lazily, crappily and shamefully):

(A guy and girl are seated playing a game of Scrabble. The guy plays "Hamburger")

Guy: 17! And double word score makes it 34. Pretty good!

Girl: Fuck, that word is crazy long. How did you pull that off?

Guy: It helped that you played Ham last turn.

Girl: Right, but that's an acronym: Hard As a Motherfucker. You have to imagine the periods. What you built off my word is not in the spirit of what I played.

Guy: Are you serious right now? I'm pretty sure the Scrabble dictionary wasn't written by Wocka Flocka Flame.

Girl: (smirks) fiiiine

(Girl plays "Burrito")

Girl: Blegh, only 9 points.

Guy: Valiant effort though. I'm starting to notice a theme to our games.

Girl: Me losing?

Guy: No, they always end up revolving around food. First Candy Land, now this.

Girl: Two things do not make a trend.

Guy: Have you also forgotten that I am Takeru Kobayashi, the world's most famous competitive eater?

Girl: Oh my god you're right, it's almost like we're playing some sort of ... Hunger Games!

(Both the guy and girl slowly turn and stare directly into the camera)

Guy: Oh shit! Look at this! I wasn't even thinking but look at what I just played.

(They slowly turn to look at the board. Camera zooms in to a tight shot of his last play- "Symbolism")

Girl: 19 points. Bingo...

(Cue the sound effect they played during "Lost" right before commercial breaks)
.......................

Hollywood, just post in the comments if you are interested in the rest of my script.


I also started thinking about other Hunger Games:

The Game of Cinnamon Life

Apples to Apple Pie

Scrapple

Hide and Seek out the nearest McDonalds

CraniYUM

Candy Land


*With apologies to Nate Cosby, whom I stole the (If I Wrote It) idea from

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Hip-Hop Puns

These have been rolling around in my head for a long time. I'm sure there are lots of other great ones. If you think of one, leave it in the comments!

#JayZRomComs
99 Problems (but a Hitch ain't one)

Runaway Bride This town

Hard Knocked Up Life

As Real Good As It Gets

Roc (About a) boys

Excuse Me Miss (Congeniality)

The Goodbye Girl(s, Girls, Girls)

Crazy in Love, Actually

Heart of the City (Ain't No Eat, Pray, Love..)

Can I Get a What, What Women Want


#ClassicHipHop
50 Cents & Sensibility

Kanye West Side Story

Snoop Dogg Day Afternoon

The Big Pun Also Rises

Oliver Twista

How I Could Just Kill a Mockingbird

The BlackStar Stallion

Emma-nem (credit: Alex T.)

The Fresh Prince and The Pauper

#HipHopNewWaveMashups
Waka Flocka' Seagulls

#UnusedHipHopAlbumTitles
Lord of the Fly




Wednesday, August 18, 2010

#ArkansasThemeRestaurantMenu

Little Roccolini

Peanut Brittle Rock

The Little Rock 9-Layer Dip

Wal-Martini

The Natural Steak

Humidi-Sweet-Tea with real Texarkane sugar

Arkanslaw

3rd Poorest State in the Union Burger with Arkansauce

Whitewater Russian