Earlier today my friend posted this on Twitter: "Just because the intended audience is YA is no excuse for crappy, lazy writing. Shameful, Suzanne Collins!! #hungergames #pretentiousreader"
I have never read a word of the Hunger Games, but I am aware of the books. My aunt, who is a teacher, was raving about them last time I saw her. Anyway, after reading my friends Tweet this scene popped into my head fully formed. It has no bearing on the premise of the books.
If I wrote hunger games (lazily, crappily and shamefully):
(A guy and girl are seated playing a game of Scrabble. The guy plays "Hamburger")
Guy: 17! And double word score makes it 34. Pretty good!
Girl: Fuck, that word is crazy long. How did you pull that off?
Guy: It helped that you played Ham last turn.
Girl: Right, but that's an acronym: Hard As a Motherfucker. You have to imagine the periods. What you built off my word is not in the spirit of what I played.
Guy: Are you serious right now? I'm pretty sure the Scrabble dictionary wasn't written by Wocka Flocka Flame.
Girl: (smirks) fiiiine
(Girl plays "Burrito")
Girl: Blegh, only 9 points.
Guy: Valiant effort though. I'm starting to notice a theme to our games.
Girl: Me losing?
Guy: No, they always end up revolving around food. First Candy Land, now this.
Girl: Two things do not make a trend.
Guy: Have you also forgotten that I am Takeru Kobayashi, the world's most famous competitive eater?
Girl: Oh my god you're right, it's almost like we're playing some sort of ... Hunger Games!
(Both the guy and girl slowly turn and stare directly into the camera)
Guy: Oh shit! Look at this! I wasn't even thinking but look at what I just played.
(They slowly turn to look at the board. Camera zooms in to a tight shot of his last play- "Symbolism")
Girl: 19 points. Bingo...
(Cue the sound effect they played during "Lost" right before commercial breaks)
.......................
Hollywood, just post in the comments if you are interested in the rest of my script.
I also started thinking about other Hunger Games:
The Game of Cinnamon Life
Apples to Apple Pie
Scrapple
Hide and Seek out the nearest McDonalds
CraniYUM
Candy Land
*With apologies to Nate Cosby, whom I stole the (If I Wrote It) idea from
