The Hunger Games (If I Wrote it)

Earlier today my friend posted this on Twitter: "Just because the intended audience is YA is no excuse for crappy, lazy writing. Shameful, Suzanne Collins!! #hungergames #pretentiousreader"

I have never read a word of the Hunger Games, but I am aware of the books. My aunt, who is a teacher, was raving about them last time I saw her. Anyway, after reading my friends Tweet this scene popped into my head fully formed. It has no bearing on the premise of the books.

If I wrote hunger games (lazily, crappily and shamefully):

(A guy and girl are seated playing a game of Scrabble. The guy plays "Hamburger")

Guy: 17! And double word score makes it 34. Pretty good!

Girl: Fuck, that word is crazy long. How did you pull that off?

Guy: It helped that you played Ham last turn.

Girl: Right, but that's an acronym: Hard As a Motherfucker. You have to imagine the periods. What you built off my word is not in the spirit of what I played.

Guy: Are you serious right now? I'm pretty sure the Scrabble dictionary wasn't written by Wocka Flocka Flame.

Girl: (smirks) fiiiine

(Girl plays "Burrito")

Girl: Blegh, only 9 points.

Guy: Valiant effort though. I'm starting to notice a theme to our games.

Girl: Me losing?

Guy: No, they always end up revolving around food. First Candy Land, now this.

Girl: Two things do not make a trend.

Guy: Have you also forgotten that I am Takeru Kobayashi, the world's most famous competitive eater?

Girl: Oh my god you're right, it's almost like we're playing some sort of ... Hunger Games!

(Both the guy and girl slowly turn and stare directly into the camera)

Guy: Oh shit! Look at this! I wasn't even thinking but look at what I just played.

(They slowly turn to look at the board. Camera zooms in to a tight shot of his last play- "Symbolism")

Girl: 19 points. Bingo...

(Cue the sound effect they played during "Lost" right before commercial breaks)
.......................

Hollywood, just post in the comments if you are interested in the rest of my script.


I also started thinking about other Hunger Games:

The Game of Cinnamon Life

Apples to Apple Pie

Scrapple

Hide and Seek out the nearest McDonalds

CraniYUM

Candy Land


*With apologies to Nate Cosby, whom I stole the (If I Wrote It) idea from