My Bio

I just moved across the country for work. My new boss wanted to send out an email welcoming me to the team, so she asked me for a short bio. I sent her the following:

"Like many men who went on to change the world, Christopher spent the first 12 years of his life being raised by wolves. After mastering the art of the kill, his lupine parents packed him up and sent him away to Space School on the moon. It was there he first developed his passion for lasers and achieved Master Carpenter Status. He attended College University State where he Triple Majored in Government, Business and Being Radical with a minor in keg stands. Christopher is fluent in 17 fictional languages; including Elvish, Klingon and pig-latin; and can multiply any two numbers in his head if allowed the use of a calculator. His favorite color is rainbow and he has counted to infinity twice. His hobbies include Dinosaurs, Satellite Telemetry and Sculpy and he hopes to one day get advanced degrees in the “Three Rs” Reading, ‘Riting and ‘Rithmetic. Chris Wieman is 6’1”, blonde-haired, blue eyed and bemused. His best friend is Bigfoot, his sister is a chupacabra and his childhood pet is Babe: Pig in the City. He spent a year in college speaking only in rhyme but he thinks he could do it again, given the time."

I also sent her a more heavily edited version. It's unclear which she will use.