Eventually it is going to be my birthday. At that time all of you, my devoted readers (ALL of you), will be faced with a quandary. "Wow," you will think to yourselves, "I have hundreds, maybe thousands, of extra dollars lying around and I cannot decide the optimal way to spend them on my good friend Christopher."
Well, worry no more. This is the first in a series of helpful guides to things that you can buy for me. You are incredibly welcome for this important public service.
Look! Original Minimalist art featuring Galactus, the World Eater. Sure would look great on my wall next to Superman, the Mets and that fight between the Whale, Squid and T-Rex.
More Galactus? Yes but in an entirely different medium. Not only is it the coolest looking thing I've ever seen, it's like 3 feet tall! Have I mentioned I have a mantle now?
Escapist culture is great, but what about being entertained while learning important lessons about the depressing way the world is these days? The Wire: Complete Series DVD Boxed Set is both engaging and socially enriching! They're even teaching it at Harvard! What a great potential gift.
One day I'm going to have a trophy room to fill with treasures from my conquests of faraway lands, Dragon's gold, and statues made by the finest craftsmen. I will also put my sweetest Lego creations on rotating dais lit from below. And then I will get a plaque saying that I am the finest crafstman! And if anyone tries to take anything, there's going to be an Indiana Jones rolling boulder, booby-trapped arrow situation. Anyway, if any of you get super-rich and decide to be very generous come December- this child-sized Millenium Falcon is Bitchin' as all get-out.
I know you are all excited, my birthday is mere months away! But, and here is the real tragedy, you are likely squabbling amongst yourselves. "These things are so cool!" you are saying to yourselves and each other. "Reasonably priced for our budgets as well. But, who gets to purchase these things for him! THERE'S JUST NOT ENOUGH TO GO AROUND!!"
I'm here to tell you, it's going to be alright. This is only volume one! Now I'm no Kanye but I have plenty of ridiculously extravagant desires well outside my price range. Sure they are plenty nerdy, and you may not have an intuitive grasp of my tastes in that area, but that's ok! That is the entire point of this ongoing series. So get ready, there's more coming and I'm more than willing to bow to the will of my audience by presenting more things you may be interested in purchasing me.
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