5 things about Dredd 3D

"DREDD IS ANGRY"

1. A movie where lawmen are trapped in a building and have to fight their way to the boss on the top level while also dealing with corruption on the force? I liked this movie a lot more when it had martial arts in it and was called The Raid. ZING!!

2. I loved the look of the city and the general aesthetic of the film. It was clear that this was the future, but it did look as if it was "built on the ruins of the old world," a phrase Dredd repeated (seemingly) endlessly. Slums with giant towers the size of several city blocks dotting the landscape with people crammed into them to the point of bursting. The aesthetic was basically Blade Runner but dirtier and more worn down. I could imagine this aesthetic coming to pass, which is what made it effective for me. The visual effects when people were on the drug "Slo-Mo" were also really cool (especially in 3-D), but I would argue that anything shown in slow motions is visually appealing.

"THIS IS MY ANGRY FACE"

3. The hook of this movie was a dystopian future with over the top violence and awesome action scenes, but they completely bungled the tone of this film. What I wanted was something ridiculous and fun-The sensibilities of "From Dusk Til Dawn" and "Total Recall" in a "Blade Runner" setting with an action movie pastiche. But... this movie just isn't fun. It is very violent, but never so over the top that it's funny (see: Dead Alive), or so awesome that it has you leaning forward in your seat (See: The Raid, even The Transporter films). It is a ridiculous movie that asks you to take it VERY SERIOUSLY but never gives you a reason why. I realize the same can be said for superhero movies but at least those characters represent a higher ideal. If Dredd represents anything it's the right-wing reaction to paranoia about inner-city crime.

"NO, THIS IS MY ANGRY FACE"

4. The one way this movie did try to be clever was its zingers, but they were terrible. Not in a "so bad, they're good" kind of way either. When Dredd is about to be shot he says "Wait" and then the corrupt judge about to waste him goes off for a good 1:30 about how pathetic it is that the much-lauded Dredd only has that to say as his last words. Dredd replies "No, wait for her to shoot you," as his partner takes the dude out with a shotgun. Except... there's no pun there. There's no way he could have known she was coming (she's the psychic, not him!). It's not clever. There's no real "FUCK YEAH" moment. So, it ends up being much less than the sum of it's parts. And that's just one example! The movie is full of terrible moments like that. Not as bad as Guy Pearce in Lockout, but I wanted Schwarzenegger in Commando. Hell, even Schwarzenegger in Batman & Robin would have been better.

"MY FACE HURTS SO MUCH FROM AGGRESSIVELY FROWNING"

5. I hated, hated, hated the ending. At the beginning of the movie they show us Ma-Ma shoving two guys off of a ledge a mile up after giving them Slo-Mo, so they will experience their deaths in slow motion. This is supposed to show the depths of her depravity. Are we supposed to believe that when Dredd does the exact same thing to her it's somehow OK because he wears a badge? They did not do a good enough job of establishing her as an overwhelming threat or hate-able character (relative to how much I hated every other character, at least) for me to feel that this was justified. It wasn't cathartic, it was unsettling. And the shot where the camera is the floor and we watch her face flatten into it- gross, dude.

"GODDAMMIT, MY MOUTH IS STUCK!! FROWN LINES EVERYWHERE!!"

JUDGEMENT: Do not see this. Especially do not spend $16 to see it in 3D like I did. (disclaimer: I have poor judgement).